Well, it’s official. Lincoln has been in heaven longer than he was here with us, sans belly time. It is so unbelievable. Time has pretty much stood still for us, and yet moves at lightening speed all at the same time.

It’s absolutely exhausting missing my son. I was on my way to work today when In My Arms by Plumb came on the radio. The song talks about holding your baby safe in your arms through the storms of life. I couldn’t help for feel the intense pain from my own empty arms that ache for my son. I know that he is safe in the arms of the Father until we can be reunited. That knowledge brings comfort, but it doesn’t stop the tears from flowing. I’ve copied a link below so everyone can listen, and if you’ve never heard it, you will soon know why I was a hot mess by the time I got there. I always wear waterproof eye makeup now because I never know when a cry fest might arise, so of course on the day I ran out, I have a mini meltdown. I walked into work with two black stripes running down my face.

I wanted to give an update as far as Jeremy and mine’s genetic testing. We found out 3 months ago exactly what type of Leigh’s Disease that Lincoln had, and we have been waiting to hear back from our contact at Riley Children’s Hospital about if our insurance will pre approve our testing. We finally heard back last week but it was not the news we were expecting. The doctor we’ve been working with lost our info and never submitted our application for pre approval. So we’ve basically been waiting these last 3 months for nothing. Very frustrating. Please be praying for quick responses from doctors and our insurance companies.

I submitted Lincoln’s name to be worn by a volunteer at the annual Walk to Remember in Chicago that is hosted by the Compassionate Friends. It was very moving to see the picture with his name listed

Walk to Remember 2014

I’ve learned already what deep sorrow I will forever carry on this journey as a child loss mommy. I have a Lincoln sized hole in my heart and I know that it will be there until we are together again one day.