A Year Without You

March 21, 2015 / stephhuff / 3 Comments

I haven’t written in awhile as the emotions have been pretty intense… sometimes there are no words when your hurt goes so deep. Exactly one month today ago today, we had the one year anniversary of our dear Lincoln passing away into heaven. It has taken me this long to be able to write about it.

Jeremy and I both had the entire week off from work leading up to the actual date…
We spent it relaxing and spending lots of needed time together.
Our wonderful family and friends spoke encouraging words to us throughout the week.
I had a girls day with one of my best friends.
We received a beautiful care package from good friends.
We spent a fun day in Indy with friends.
Our wonderful church family surprised us with a weekend away.

We were blessed.

Friends and family also messaged us with “good deeds” that they were doing that Saturday in honor of Lincoln. Some of things were donating bibles, clearing snow from neighbors driveways, paying for other’s meals at restaurants, etc. It was so comforting to hear of the good that Lincoln inspired that day.

We also watched videos of us singing to Lincoln at Riley the night leading up to him passing away that we haven’t seen since he left us. After lots of thought, we have decided to share one of the videos. It was an incredibly personal moment, but the presence of God was with my son his whole short life, and He was there with us in that room as our sweet boy slowly began slipping away.

In this video, we are singing a song to Lincoln that Jeremy wrote called “What a Day”. The lyrics speak about what an amazing day that it will be when we finally see Jesus face to face and will sing praises to him in person. To think that just hours later my own son would experience just what this song speaks about… it just overwhelms me. I can barely see to type as I cry thinking about holding him for the last time, kissing him for the last time… but then the Father whispers truth into my heart; that while those may have been the last times on this earth, I will hold Lincoln again someday and kiss his sweet face. And what a day that will be…

Merry Christmas Lincoln

December 25, 2014December 25, 2014 / stephhuff / 4 Comments

My Dearest Lincoln,

Oh how I wish we would be together today my little love… and every day. The ache of missing you goes way down deep in Mommy’s heart. It just doesn’t feel like Christmas without your smiling face.

Do you remember your first Christmas? Mommy and Daddy were so exited! We all slept together in our new Christmas jammies from Gramma and Grampy Marley. Daddy woke up first and just couldn’t wait before he woke us up! You had the sweetest little “Baby’s first Christmas” stocking. We got you a little first Christmas book and Daddy read it to you right away. We had such a wonderful first Christmas morning together as our family of three.

Christmas morning 2013

To Lincoln
Love, Mommy and Daddy

Daddy reading to Linky

What is Christmas like in heaven Bubby? I never dreamed that you would meet Jesus before me. You have accomplished so much and changed so many lives in your short time with us. You still are changing lives baby. It makes me very happy to know that you are in a safe place and are being well taken care of until I’m with you. Grandpa Robert, I’m sure, has his hands full. Are you singing praises to God with the angels? I can’t wait to hear your wonderful voice sing. I always wondered what it would sound like, I’m sure it is just beautiful.

We decorated your resting place for the holidays. You even have your very own little tree. Aunt Rachel made an ornament for you with a pretty pinecone and green ribbon. All your little friends had very pretty decorations too.

Ready for Christmas

Mommy and Daddy are trying their best to make you proud and share your story with as many as we can. You are our hero Lincoln. You have made me the proudest Mommy I could ever be. I dream of when we will all be together again someday… Tell Jesus to help Mommy and Daddy be strong. We love you so much, and more and more everyday, just as if you were here because in a way you still are; you are living on in our hearts.

Merry Christmas my love.

XOXO, Mommy

Mother’s Day – Empty Arms, Full Heart

May 11, 2014May 12, 2014 / stephhuff / 4 Comments

This is not how I imagined my first Mother’s Day would be… but who ever, when dreaming of their lives, would imagine such tragedy would be a part of their near future? So I join the ranks of mommies who have to experience Mother’s Day with their only child in heaven…

I’ve decided I am going to be gentle with myself today… I decided not to attend church today because I did not want to throw myself in that situation, seeing all the mommies with their little kiddies… just too hard right now.

I did get to experience one Mother’s Day with Lincoln while I was pregnant. I was so excited to be a mom, and couldn’t wait to meet my little fella. I dreamed about the future Mother’s Days where we would celebrate together, not knowing that this would be our only one. I’m glad that I had those days of unknowing bliss that I could dream of our life with Lincoln, even though none of those days will come to be on this earth. I am so thankful for Lincoln, and him making my dreams of motherhood come true.

First picture of mommy and Bubby after leaving hospital

Jeremy bought me this little statue for Mother’s Day, and it rings so true to my heart. I fought for Lincoln, and protected and cared for him with all my might while he was here with us. And while it was incredibly difficult, I know that the ultimate protection of him was giving him back to the One who had blessed me with him in the first place.

~ The Guardian ~

When we were told at Riley that it was time to stay by Lincoln’s bedside, I held him for hours that night. I didn’t know when would be the last time. I told him over and over again, that we had a bond that could never be broken. The connection between my son and I was so precious, so strong. I knew that even if he left this world, our hearts would always be one.

So, as I write, even though my tears are flowing and my hands are shaking, my heart is full. Full of love for my son, and full of the expectation and hope that we will be united again. And when we have that reunion, it will be eternal. So for now, my heart is already in heaven, because my son and my Savior are there.